bluecastleace | IC Contact for tabularasa

[Another nondescript day (are there 'days' yet) in peaceful Voidtopia! The dragonfish are bouncing, the flesh maze is pulsating, and rocks make for as good eating as ever.
Iwaizumi is probably enjoying his brand spankin' shiny new gymnasium practicing his volleyball serves with his team or something dumb and human-y when the door flies open.]

Iwaizumi!

Stop whatever you're doing; I have urgent business!

[Feel free to serve a ball right at her head it's probably warranted.]

[As expected, Iwaizumi is currently practicing in the new shiny gymnasium, repeatedly bumping his volleyball off of the wall long after practice has ended when the door flings open and he hears his name. Unfortunately, he’s so startled by the sudden shouting that he looks away from the ball just long enough for it to nail him in the face. This subsequently knocks him onto his ass on the gym floor, from whence he looks up at Virdi with a bewildered glare, stammering:]

What the—- Virdi—- What do you—-

What?

[Viridi crosses the gymnasium floor pretending that nothing has gone awry. This is probably how you play volleyball anyway. Face hitting is an underused tactic.]

I have heard rumors.

[...]

About you.

[is this the urgent business
it doesn't sound urgent]

[Oh, here we go.]

Like what?

[This is so not urgent?]

[Viridi continues in the manner of a high school mean girl clique.]

About you... and a certain encounter with a certain other human on the day you got here.

[Why is she being so annoying about this
And why does she look so cheerful]

[Goddammit, not this shit again. When is everyone gonna be done talking about Iwaizumi’s impeccable neutering skills? It’s been at least...

[Well, honestly he has no idea how long it’s been, but—-

[His glare deepens.]

I kicked Seto Kaiba in the balls because he’s an asshole. Are we done here?

Yessssssssss! So it was true! Ahahahaha! I knew I liked you for a reason.

[...]

Rewind, ignore that last sentence.

OK, give me the full details! I want the blow-by-blow - did you get a picture of his face? Do pictures exist here? Can we invent pictures and then time travel so I can go back and get a picture and frame it?

[It’s okay, Virdi. Iwaizumi won’t call you out. He’s too busy being irritated that you two are even having this conversation right now.]

There are no details. He was lying in the middle of the floor being a prick, we started talking, I called him out, and he grabbed me—-

[Okay, so maybe there are some details. He sighs.]

He grabbed me and I wasn’t about to let him get away with that shit, so I lobbed my volleyball at his head. Shit escalated and I kicked him in the balls so he’d fuck off and leave me alone.

[He looks slightly less irritated as he relays the story, because Virdi clearly seems to be on his side, and it was pretty funny, but...it was no big deal, really!]

I don’t get why everyone’s still talking about it like it was some sort of all out brawl. He didn’t even get a hit in.

Oh, I'm talking about it because he's terrible and I hate him.

[Viridi: Goddess of Nature, Originator of the Phrase 'I Tell It Like It Is'.]

In my estimation, you're a national hero. ...Or I don't know, a planetary hero.

Why was he lying on the ground in the first place?

[Iwaizumi cracks the faintest hint of a smile. She really doesn’t mince words, even less so than he does. “Hero” is a bit much, but they are so clearly on the same page that it’s hard not to feel a little vindicated.]

I don’t know. Some shit about “pulsating flesh walls” or something. I guess he’d been asleep for a while.

Oh yeah.

That happened last month. ...What passes for last month. So he warped right out of his nightmares and ran into you.

[...]

...OK, it's kind of funny he got beat up by a kid right after escaping unscathed from everything else. Oh, karma. I saved his rear end in his gross capitalist horrorscape and he couldn't even be bothered to be grateful.

[Iwaizumi isn’t beyond the mindset to believe that Virdi is some sort of goddess at this point - seems just about fitting for this place, and she sure as hell acts high and mighty enough - but somehow getting called a “kid” by someone who looks to be about seven years old will just never sit right with him. He doesn’t look too bothered by it anymore at least.]

Yeah, he mentioned something about that, but not much. I have a hard time listening to fuckwads speak for more than a couple of minutes before I check out. [Hence the ball-kicking.] Didn’t say shit about getting saved by a—-

[Pause. His lips twinge into a slightly wider smile.] Goddess, of course. Doesn’t surprise me he’d be ungrateful for your service.

[At the word 'Goddess,' Viridi raises an eyebrow before dipping into a (almost certainly sarcastic) curtsy. All according to plan. She is training her future minions well!!]

Speaking of Goddess... I actually came here for a real reason!

Mortal! You have pleased me. ...Like, four weeks ago retroactively, but you know, it's the effort that matters. I have come to bestow upon you a boon beyond all human comprehension!

And, you know, give this a test run to see if you blow up or anything.

[Iwaizumi’s expression falls flat again, a mix between caution and preemptive irritation. What is he about to agree to here?]

Not too sure I like the sound of that one, Divine Radiance.

[Or whatever stupid nickname she came up with when they first met.]

What sort of boon are we talking?

I just said. A divine boon beyond all mortal comprehension. Try to keep up.

And don't worry too much; the chance that anything bad happens is probably super low! I just don't know what kind of power this world remembered to give me, exactly. If you do blow up, I'll just revive you when I get the full Goddess suite.

[what is there to worry about???]

So even you don’t know what you’re about to try and do to me?

No idea at all?

You know I’m not gonna say yes to that, right?

You're so hard to please.

[she says to the person who did not asked to be pleased]

Look, don't you have some kind of game where you hit balls at people's heads coming up? I've never actually given a bad power. They don't call them 'boons' because people try to avoid them.

[...]

Alright, there was that one time Palutena turned Medusa into a hideous snake person, but that was specifically a curse. ...Was that Palutena? Maybe it was Poseidon.

[”Hideous snake person” - how very comforting. Iwaizumi adjusts a little where he’s still sitting on the floor, leaning back on his arms and taking a glance around the gym. He can’t help but smile at Virdi’s clearly misguided explanation of volleyball (though receiving with your face is not technically an illegal move - just ask that number 10 from Karasuno).]

I think I see where you’re going with this, and while it’s...appreciated...[Choosing his words carefully, but not without a small smirk.] I play honestly. No boons necessary.

I’m not about to allow anyone else to use them either, so don’t go around offering.

[Snake hair would go so well with those spikes, though. Viridi huffs and crosses her arms.]

Well, fine! Be that way.

And don't be stupid; I'm not going around offering my divine power to any rando. If word gets around, I'll be dealing with sweaty humans begging me for favors left and right.

[doubt]

Maybe I'll ask the flower girl. She already owes me.

...What are you doing, anyway?

Hey, I really do appreciate it. Honestly.

[Because it’s kind of a big deal that she’d be offering in the first place, right? Especially after the somewhat rocky start they had. But he won’t point that out or press her any further. He doesn’t want to scare her away or lose any more goodwill points than he probably already has by rejecting her offer.]

Anyway, you mean now, or that game you were talking about? [Same answer either way, really. He grabs the ball that just got done nailing him in the face a few minutes ago and grabs it, then lies on his back and starts repeatedly setting it up in the air to himself while they chat.]

It’s called volleyball, and you’re not actually supposed to hit people in the head with it, despite my shining example, I guess.

It’s a sport where I come from. I guess they don’t have it in your world?

[Viridi makes no further comment. It's probably enough of a blow to her pride that she was rejected without having to talk about it - although she supposes his reason is 'valid' or whatever. (Ugh.)]

Oh, yeah. ...Volleyball.

Technically, it hasn't been invented yet, but I'm a Wii Sports Mix pro, so you know. It's one of those iffy gray area things.

...If you think about it, that means this will be the first actual new thing I experience in this place. Humans playing a sport they invent in a thousand years!

I'm almost interested.

[It hasn’t been invented yet, but the Wii has, and it’s in the sports suite, and she—- Oh God, his head hurts. He shakes it out a little - better not to dwell on these things.]

Interested? You? [He wonders how much he can tease at her before she’ll back pedal, but he can’t hide the small smile on his face.] It might be tough for you to play, but there’s a league of us getting together, you know.

[Short. It’s because she’s short, but he shouldn’t say that, right?]

You could watch. With the group we’ve got, there probably will be some headshots.

[He shrugs.] Or I could throw you a couple balls sometime. It’s a great game.

Not in playing.

[How undignified!]

In watching you weirdos try to kill each other in new and exciting ways! ...That's what sports basically are, right? Concentrating your primitive ape urges to do violence into something more controlled!

And maybe someone will get head-shot.

[She's glad Iwa understands her this well.]

[Iwa stares at her for a moment, blinking dumbly and not looking unlike a man who has just had a grand revelation thrust upon him.]

Why...don’t I disagree with that? [???] That’s kind of fucked up though, right? Kind of awesome...

[A dumb teenage boy through and through. ~~Show him blood!~~]

I mean yeah. You definitely wanna kick some ass, yeah.

Oh, it's super f - [somebody else in the gym takes this exact moment to smack the ball as hard as they can with a resounding 'crack'] up.

[She's rated E10+. ...Even though she committed genocide.]

But hey, whatever helps with those primal needs. Vent that anger on the court - or better yet, from the comfort of your sofa looking at a screen! Sportsball is the opiate of the masses.

As for me, my talents lie more in heckling.

[He snorts.]

I can only imagine.

It’s not something a player could get away with with a decent ref on the court, but. [He smiles a little, shrugs.] Can’t control what the audience does.

[He’d just hope she’d be on his side, but he’s...not gonna get those hopes up too high.]

Oh -- oh!

Did everyone hear that?

The leader of the Voidworld Volleyball Initiative has just given me tacit permission to yell whatever I want during any and all games! I won't even have to be subtle!

[how's that instant regret feeling, iwa]

And I've just got so many feelings to work out.

This will be healthy for everyone.

[Instant, regretful.]

That’s not exactly what I said, and I’m not what you said either.

[Somehow he feels like arguing is not going to change anything about this. Instant, regretful.]

I heard what I heard.

[translation: I hear whatever I want]

Thanks kindly for the invitation. When's your game again? I'm gonna go work on some good puns.

'Volleyball - more like follyball!'

...Maybe I should go with Volleyfall?

Hey, don’t go dragging my name through the mud with any of this. I’m trying to put something halfway legitimate together here.

[He groans, rubs his face a bit.]

We’re getting started with practices in a few days, but seriously.

Let's - go - I - wa! [clap, clap, clap-clap-clap]
Hate - to - be - ya! [clap, clap, clap-clap-clap]
When - he - sees - ya! [clap, clap, clap-clap-clap]
He's - gonna - cream - ya! [clap, clap, clap-clap-clap]

[she stopped listening]

'K, I'm gonna go make some signs. Have fun bouncing balls on your head!

[S I G H

[There’s no stopping her. He should know this by now.]

See ya, Virdi.

IC Contact for tabularasa_rp

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